Highlarity

Trumpus posted this picture on my message board.

I need help with the date, but this was DEFINITELY the infamous gravity bong night, when I almost died. (c/o Cornell University)

To think this was more than 6 years ago...time flies when you can't see straight!

First & First All TV Team

Top 5 TV shows. (in any order) Plus 3 Honorable Mentions

Rules: any genre (sitcom, drama, variety, etc); new episodes must have aired over the past 20 years; show has to have been on for at least 3 seasons. (sorry sports night)

1) Seinfeld
2) The Simpsons
3) The Sopranos
4) Law & Order
5) Late Night with Conan O'Brien

Honorable Mentions: Family Guy, SNL, Fraiser

"I knew they were cops...

...only cops talk that way. If they'd been wiseguys, I wouldn't have heard a thing. I would've been dead."

Major mob indictment today.

This post is a blatant excuse to a) quote Goodfellas and b) remind everyone that The Sopranos start March 12th

Isiahuh?

As we all know, the Knicks are in pretty rough shape. Suprisingly, I think for the rest of the season you could get some wins, dare I say even a "run" or two (nothing substantial) but I was just leafing through the contracts of the current Knicks and it's like reading a contract between your soul and the devil.

It's not that Steph is making 15M, 17M, 19M, 21M (which is still pretty outrageous) that makes me crazy...it's that someone thinks Maurice Taylor should make 9.1M, 9.7M this year and next. Maurice Taylor!! He's an averge to below average bench player. What about Jamal Crawford, signed for 6 years! (6.4M, 7.1M, 7.9M, 8.6M, 9.3M, 10M) Jerome James signed for 5 years. JEROME JAMES! He's listed as 30 yrs old, but I think he's really closer to 65. (5M - 6.6M)

So now what? Trade Frye and the entire team for Garnett in the off season? Which is probabaly impossible. Could the Knicks be considered (at least in a business sense) the worst run major-city franchise ever? (at least the past 10 seasons?)

The Ideal Husband

Meet Travis Frey. Meet his "Contract of Wifely Expectations".

Apparently, Travis is a very demanding husband.

What'd You Say About My TP!?

Man kills roommate over toilet paper

Pretty Much Insane.

I know this has most likely been discussed ad nauseum, but I just watched this flash movie about how a plane probably never hit the Pentagon on 9/11.

I'm not really one for conspiracy theories, but I have to admit, they make an interesting argument.

Click here and then click on the British flag to "view flash presentation"

Just Keep Smiling

After hearing that six major US ports will be overseen by an Arab-owned company, I couldn't get the image out of my head of two Arab men smiling and waving and saying to each other "Just keep smiling" until the Americans who shook on this deal were out of view. Then turned to each other and said "Did this really just happened? Jihad!!"

Even if this company is not shady at all, which is not true by the way, how could anyone with half a brain not think that the mere appearance of shadiness would not cause general uncomfortableness.

It's like asking your local registered sex offender if he's free this weekend to watch your small children. Sure he might be rehabilitated, but most likely, he wants to plow them.

Gosh Dang It !!

I caught the tail end of the Daytona 500. I didn't understand a single word being said by anyone involved with this broadcast...bump drafting, the apron, loose car, tight car...not a clue. Also, interestingly enough, it was the most boring 20 minutes of my life.

YEEEEE HAAAAAAWWWWW!

Jim Lampley, you're a loser.

This past week Bill Maher wrote a very brief note on how lame the winter Olympics are. In doing so, it ticked off HBO's Jim Lampley.

Jim, buddy...you're a boxing commentator on HBO. I have, literally, zero care of any opinion you hold on anything...including these Olympics.

Scalidiot

According to Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia, you're an idiot if you think the Constitution is a living thing.

I guess I'm an idiot.

It Rocks

Click here to stream the brand new Charlie Hunter disc, Copperopolis. It rocks.

What'd you say, motherfucker?

Do not talk shit to Dick Cheney...he will shoot you.

MAK40

Has anyone seen this man?

The Worst Show Ever

It occurred to me the other night that NBC's Last Call with Carson Daly is, quite possibly, the worst show ever created.

You could probably come up with a critique of all the late night shows - Leno, Letterman, Conan, Craig, Stewart, even Bill Maher (though you'd be wrong) - but they all (maybe not Leno or Craig) have a ton of positives to out way any potential negatives...except Carson Daly. His show has not a single redeeming quality in any way what so ever. Some of the main problems with the show are:

1) He is about as unfunny a guy can be,
2) I'm pretty sure he's a total moron
3) his musical guests are usually a who's-who of WSHIT-FM.

I hate you Carson Daly.

Flordia State SeminHOES

Meet Jenn.

After TV cameras panning a typical FSU football game came across this piece of work, she become an internet celebrity. Read her first hand account of how it all went down.

An Open Plea to Isiah Thomas

Dear Mr. Thomas,

No matter how bad things get, please do not trade Channing Frye.

Sincerely,

A Fan

Worst Streak Ever?

Last night I saw a trailor for the new inevitable Harrison Ford bomb, Firewall, and it got me thinking. Harrision Ford hasn't made a good movie in a long time...12 years to be exact. He was on fire in the 80s and early 90s...all of the Indiana Jones movies, Witness, Presumed Innocent, Regarding Henry, The Fugitve and finally Clear and Present Danger, his last good movie. That was 1994! Here are the clunkers that Harrison has churned out since then: (from oldest to newest)

Sabrina - 1995
The Devil's Own - 1997
Air Force One - 1997
Six Days Seven Nights - 1998
Random Hearts - 1999
What Lies Beneath - 2000
K-19: The Widowmaker - 2002
Hollywood Homicide - 2003
Firewall - 2006 (this is only an educated assumption)

Random Hilarity

First & First Unpaid Endorsement #1

First & First endorses Anchor Steam Beer

First & First All Six Foot Six Team

I am pleased to announce the First & First All Six Foot Six Team. There are a few rules to selection on this team. First, no athletes. Second, the person must be 6'6.



1) NBC's David Gregory
2) Law &Order's Fred Dalton Thompson
3) Skid Row's Sebastian Bach
4) Former ET host John Tesh
5) The Aristocrat's Penn Jillette
6) Sonic Youth's Thurston Moore
7) Woodstock's Richie Havens
8) Whose Line's Ryan Stiles

Saturday Night Alive

This season of SNL has finally, for the first time in a while, given one a sliver of hope that the show can make a turn around. This is due in no small part to the new cast members: Andy Samberg, Bill Hader, and Jason Sudeikis.

Word.

Bored? Try Meth!

'Full House' Sweetheart Talks About Meth Addiction

A Million Little Pieces of Bullshit

I thought I would take a page from the James Frey playbook (a playbook he undoubtedly stole from the Dallas Cowboys) and give you an insight on my own memoirs that I'm working on.

It's entitled, "Lawdogs" and it tells the story of my life. I made a name for myself back in Kansas as a peace officer. After a while I gave that life up and headed west to meet up with my brothers Virgil and Morgan. Once I got into town I ran into some old friends: Doc Holliday, Turkey Creek Jack Johnson, Texas Jack Vermillion and others. I met the love of my life, Josephine Marcus, an actress of sorts and we lived happily ever after.